I have written several songs about my father both because of the strength of our relationship and the tragic way that it ended.
It has taken me almost twenty years to be able to come to terms and coexist with my memories of him and to be able to simply enjoy his presence in my life.
On my last birthday I went to his grave and had a beautiful visit. I realized that I was, at that moment, the very same age he was when he passed. I felt a certain enlightenment as I could finally see where he was at this point in his life. As I stood there it occurred to me that he had things pretty much together. He, for the most part, was living the life he had chosen for himself. As this realization finally settled in the huge dark cloud that had coloured my thoughts of him for the past two decades finally dissipated.
Childhood memories began to surface, like reaching over the old western novel laying on the night table to grab a piece of gum, trying not to wake him after he had worked the night shift, or watching an episode of Rawhide with him as he lay stretched out on the Chesterfield. Now that the dark cloud no longer follows me I am finally able to cherish these memories, and smile and laugh with my brothers and sisters as we share our memories of Dad.
He loved westerns and especially John Wayne films.
Whatever the reason, it’s fine with me. l chuckle to myself and feel a warm rush when he visits and I can smile at long last when reflecting on the man who was my father.
I often try to imagine what it must have been like for him as a boy, a young man, a husband and the father of nine.
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